Training Hard vs Abuse – Where’s the Line?

Muay Thai glorifies pushing limits. Anyone who chooses to step into this world quickly learns that discipline, resilience, and perseverance are non-negotiable. The mantra of “no pain, no gain” can feel empowering… until it becomes a justification for practices that endanger both physical and mental well-being. There’s a very fine line that gets blurred far too often in Muay Thai and other combat sports: the line between training hard and enduring abuse.

Disclaimer/Trigger Warning: This article discusses sensitive and potentially distressing topics, including physical, emotional, and psychological abuse within a sports context. The content may be difficult or triggering for survivors of abuse. Please prioritize your mental and emotional well-being. If at any point you find this information distressing, it is okay to stop reading, take a break, or return to it another time.

So What Do We Mean by “Abuse”?

Before we can really talk about training hard versus abuse, we need to define what abuse actually is. On the surface, some forms of abuse are clear and undeniable, particularly physical violence that causes injury. These are recognized almost universally as abuse, and most people would not question that.

Abuse is rarely clear-cut. It doesn’t always look like screaming or hitting. Abuse can be physical, emotional, psychological, or sexual. In a sport like Muay Thai, where toughness, resilience, and loyalty are highly valued, these behaviors can be easily hidden behind the guise of “discipline,” “tradition,” or “tough love.” Abuse can come from trainers, teammates, or even ourselves, often hiding within toxic gym cultures and the glorification of “toughness.”

In its broadest sense, abuse is any behavior (physical, emotional, psychological, or sexual) that causes harm, especially within a relationship where there is an imbalance of power. That imbalance of power is key, because it shapes how athletes experience and interpret what happens to them.

When we look at Muay Thai specifically, the picture gets more complicated. Not all abuse leaves visible scars. A coach berating a fighter daily may not cause bruises, but it can still break down confidence, self-worth, and mental health over time. A teammate who repeatedly pushes a sparring round beyond agreed intensity might not “injure” you outright, but the experience still violates boundaries and creates a sense of powerlessness.

This is where the gray area comes in. Sometimes, abuse is misinterpreted, or even excused, because the athlete appears to be “consenting.” Maybe they don’t say no. Maybe they laugh it off. Maybe they keep showing up for training, even though they’re uncomfortable or hurt. From the outside, this can look like acceptance.

But silence, endurance, or participation under pressure is not the same thing as genuine consent.

The difficulty is compounded by a lack of clear information and acknowledgment within the Muay Thai world. Many gyms don’t talk about abuse at all, let alone define it. Without awareness or language to describe what’s happening, athletes may come to believe that what they’re experiencing is “just part of the sport.” And when the broader community echoes the same message (“this is normal, this is tradition, this is how champions are made”), abuse becomes invisible, excused as culture, or even reframed as something positive.

To grow as fighters, we have to learn to recognize when “hard training” has crossed into harmful territory. Because if we don’t, the very sport we love can become a source of trauma rather than empowerment.

Abuse in Gyms

Abuse in sports isn’t just one thing. It can take many forms. It is important to note that some behaviors, when viewed in isolation and without context, might not constitute abuse. This is precisely why it is essential to look at the full picture, including the context, setting, and history, to truly understand what is happening. Who has the power, what is the history, and what is the impact on the athlete?

• Physical abuse: Excessive sparring, unnecessary force during pad work, forcing injured athletes to train, punishing mistakes with physical activity until collapse, or even banning access to food and water during training. At its extreme, it includes trainers deliberately causing injuries or hitting athletes as punishment.
• Emotional abuse: Belittling, name-calling, intimidation, constant criticism, ignoring, or gaslighting. The negativity chips away at confidence and fosters fear instead of growth. Emotional abuse can lead to depression, anxiety, and low self-worth that extend far outside the gym.
• Neglect: Failing to provide proper recovery time, supervision, safe equipment, or medical care. Ignoring injuries, brushing off concerns, or withholding nutrition are also forms of neglect.
• Physiological abuse: Forcing athletes beyond safe exhaustion, coercing them into dangerous movements, or exploiting them for the gym’s benefit.
• Sexual abuse and harassment: Everything from inappropriate comments and “jokes” to physical violations and exploitation. These are often minimized or silenced in combat sports, but their impact is devastating.
• Financial abuse: This is harder to recognize, especially in Thailand, where fighters and foreign students may feel indebted to their coaches for training or arranging fights. Sometimes, gyms take excessive cuts of purses, demand fees far beyond fair value, or pressure athletes into financial dependence under the guise of “tradition” or “loyalty.” While it may feel like you “owe” your coach for taking care of you, true support should not come with manipulation, exploitation, or coercion.

Abuse isn’t defined by how “intense” something feels. It’s defined by harm, power imbalance, and lack of consent. This article will focus more on physical, emotional, and physiological abuse. If you want to read more about sexual abuse, here’s another article on this site that covers that.

Why Abuse Gets Normalized in Muay Thai

Did you read the previous section and think to yourself, “But that happens all the time. Surely that can’t be considered abuse.” The sad truth is that abuse is often normalized in combat sports. Here are some contributing factors:

• “Winning at all costs” mentality: Success is valued over safety, so harm gets justified if it produces champions.
• Tradition misused: Harmful practices excused as “the way it’s always been.”
• Hero worship: Coaches and gym leaders are revered to the point where questioning them feels like betrayal.
• Gaslighting and toxic positivity: Fighters who speak up are dismissed as weak, negative, or “not cut out for it.”
• Culture of silence: Athletes stay quiet out of fear of retaliation, losing opportunities, or being ostracized.

A substantial number of athletes, including those in combat sports, have experienced maltreatment. Surveys indicate that approximately 78% of athletes have encountered behaviors related to emotional harm and neglect and 35% have experienced physical harm or the threat of physical harm. These factors allow abuse to thrive, often unchecked. And because combat sports attract people seeking empowerment (some of whom are trauma survivors), the risk of re-victimization in these toxic environments is very real.

How Culture Shapes the Line

Culture plays a huge role in how abuse is perceived. In Muay Thai, some views suggest that aggressive coaching, like verbal berating or even physical slaps, is a normal part of training, a form of “tough love” meant to push fighters harder, especially when money is on the line. For many Thais, and even for foreigners training in Thailand, this traditional context makes it difficult to discern where discipline ends and abuse begins. “Surely, if it happens to everyone and everyone laughs about it, it’s not that serious?”

This isn’t limited to Muay Thai either. In many cultures, physical discipline is still normalized at home, with children being hit as a way of enforcing obedience. When those same athletes grow up and enter a sport like Muay Thai, aggressive or even abusive coaching may not register as “wrong”. It may simply feel… familiar.

The scariest part of acknowledging that something is abusive can mean acknowledging that you yourself were abused. That realization can be incredibly uncomfortable, even destabilizing. It’s easier to minimize, deny, or rationalize harmful behaviors as “just how things are.” And because community and loyalty are so central to Muay Thai culture, speaking out can feel like you are challenging the very core of who you are.

This doesn’t excuse abuse, but it explains why it can persist, often unchallenged. Culture is one of the many factors that shape what people accept as normal, and it also shapes how seriously signs of abuse are taken. Recognizing this context is essential- not to excuse harmful behavior, but to understand the possible barriers that prevent athletes from calling it what it is.

The Role of Power Dynamics

Coaches hold immense power in the gym. They control not only how you train but also your opportunities to fight. This imbalance makes athletes vulnerable to maltreatment, especially minors, women, LGBTQ+ athletes, and those from marginalized backgrounds.

Dual relationships (e.g., coach also acting as employer, manager, romantic partner, etc.) complicate boundaries even further. Athletes may feel trapped, afraid to speak out, or pressured into silence.

This is why clear boundaries, professional standards, and trauma-informed coaching are essential. Without them, power is easily abused.

Gender, Power, and How Abuse is Seen

Gender expectations and stereotypes play a huge role in how abuse is recognized, reported, or dismissed in Muay Thai and sports in general. Abuse against men is often not taken as seriously, while abuse against women is often minimized or normalized in different ways. And when we bring LGBTQ+ and trans athletes into the picture, the dynamics become even more complex, because the further someone’s identity is from traditional gender norms, the more likely their experiences of abuse are to be dismissed or erased altogether. In fact, gender norms is a core issue in why abuse can be interpreted differently across genders.

Male athletes who experience abuse face unique barriers to disclosure. Societal beliefs about masculinity dictate that men should be “tough,” able to fight back, and impervious to harm. Because of this, abuse reported by men is often met with disbelief or ridicule. They may be told to “handle it” or feel ashamed that they “let it happen.” Male fighters who have an abusive female coach face an additional layer of dismissal, since female aggression is judged less harshly and many assume women cannot inflict significant harm on men. This disbelief not only prevents men from speaking up but also leaves them without adequate resources, since most support services are designed primarily for women. Worse still, some men fear counter-accusations, such as that if they report abuse, they may be accused of being the abuser themselves.

Women and girls in Muay Thai are disproportionately vulnerable to emotional particularly from male authority figures. They also report higher levels of body shaming, belittlement, and humiliation compared to men. In patriarchal sports cultures where coaching and leadership remain male-dominated, female athletes often lack role models or advocates, making it harder to challenge abuse. Emotional abuse, like constant criticism, exclusion, or demands tied to weight and appearance, takes a particularly heavy toll, often leading to anxiety, depression, or disordered eating.

For LGBTQ+ and trans athletes, these barriers are compounded. LGBTQ+ individuals are statistically among the most at-risk for harassment and abuse in sports, and transgender athletes face some of the highest levels of hostility and exclusion. Homophobic language is still common in athletic environments, often brushed off as “jokes,” which normalizes hostility and forces athletes to hide parts of their identity just to fit in. Trans athletes, in particular, are often misgendered, deadnamed, or subjected to invasive questioning about their bodies, all forms of abuse that are uniquely dehumanizing and deeply harmful. .

Across all genders and identities, abuse is filtered through stereotypes that distort its seriousness. A male coach slapping another male fighter is excused as “tough love” or even laughed about. A male coach slapping a female fighter is taken more seriously. However, a woman hitting a man is laughed off as harmless. A female fighter enduring daily body-shaming is told it’s just “motivation.” A trans athlete facing ridicule or exclusion is told they’re “making things political.” In combat sports, where pain and toughness are glorified, these dynamics become even more confusing. When abuse can be reframed as “discipline,” “tradition,” or “motivation,” athletes internalize it as normal, even “necessary.”

This matters because the normalization of abuse across gender and identity doesn’t just harm individuals; it reinforces a culture of silence. Everyone learns that questioning authority, or challenging these norms, makes you “weak,” “soft,” or “difficult.” In reality, it takes far more strength to call out abuse than to endure it quietly, and building healthier gyms means creating spaces where every fighter, regardless of gender or identity, can be heard and protected.

Signs You’re in an Abusive Training Environment

Abuse thrives in the shadows, which makes learning to recognize red flags absolutely critical. Some of these signs may sound familiar:

• Gaslighting: Your experiences are denied, twisted, or minimized until you start questioning your own reality.
  • “You’re too sensitive. I didn’t hit you that hard that hard.”
  • “Why are you upset? We were just joking around.”
• Lovebombing: Gyms may develop toxic cultures often centered around overly charming and charismatic leaders who use “love bombing” to gain trust and manipulate new members.
• The “One True Way” mentality: Your coach demands blind loyalty and dismisses other perspectives.
  • “My way is the only way to win. If you listen to anyone else, you’ll fail.”
  • “You’ll never get anywhere if you don’t train with me.”
• Favoritism and cliques: Some fighters are praised while others are belittled, fostering division.
  • “Of course he got picked for the fight. He’s my top guy.”
  • “Don’t worry about them, they’re not part of the A-team.”
  • Your general opinion and presence not mattering unless you were part of the fight team.
• Control outside the gym: Trainers policing your personal life, diet, or relationships.
  • “I saw what you ate on Instagram. You’re not dedicated enough.”
  • “Don’t get into a relationship right now. It’ll distract you from your goals.”
  • “You’re not allowed to train anywhere else.”
• Punishment disguised as training: Being forced to spar dangerously hard or punished physically for mistakes.
  • “That was a sloppy round. Now you have to do 50 burpees.”
  • “You’re complaining about your legs being sore? Go spar with no shin guards. That will teach you what sore legs really are.”
  • “I’m hitting you really hard to the point of giving you concussions so you can learn how to defend properly.”
• Constant negativity: Every session leaves you feeling small, worthless, or afraid.
  • “You’ll never make it if you keep training like that.”
  • “You’re wasting my time. I’ve seen beginners with more talent than you.”
  • “You should have known better. That’s a rookie mistake.”

If you constantly feel unsafe, belittled, or afraid of repercussions, it’s not “just tough training”. It’s abuse.

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Internal Narratives: When Self-Discipline Becomes Self-Abuse

The environment isn’t the only source of harm. Sometimes the abuser is your own inner critic. Fighters often internalize the toxic messages of the gym and turn them inward. This is especially true if they already have a history of abuse:

• Perfectionism: Always focusing on shortcomings, never celebrating progress.
  • “I landed 99 perfect kicks, but that one ugly one in the last round is all I can think about.”
  • “That fight was a win, but my performance wasn’t flawless, so it feels like a failure.”
  • “I can’t even try that new drill. I’ll look clumsy and mess it up.”
• Comparison: Measuring yourself against others instead of your own growth.
  • My teammate is two years younger than me and already has more fights. I’m so far behind.”
  • “Even when I win, I’m just lucky. I’ll never be as fast as that fighter in the other gym.”
  • “I’m training just as hard as they are, so why aren’t I getting the same results?”
• Ignoring pain: Training through injuries or exhaustion under the guise of “discipline.”
  • “No pain, no gain. My shin is throbbing, but I can’t let my partner see me back off.”
  • “I can’t take a day off for this sprained ankle. That’s a sign of weakness.”
  • “It’s just a little soreness. I’ll pop some ibuprofen and push through the pain.”

The most important conversation you’ll ever have is the one in your head. Your inner critic can be just as damaging as any toxic coach. While training hard is meant to build you up, a voice that constantly tells you you’re not good enough will break you down, even if you have the most supportive training environment.

Respect yourself enough to rest, to fail, and to show yourself the same patience and compassion you would a friend. The way you speak to yourself is the clearest reflection of how much you respect and love yourself. When you build a healthy internal dialogue, you become more capable of setting boundaries with others and are less likely to accept mistreatment as “normal.”

The Consequences of Abuse

Abuse has profound, long-term consequences that impact athletes across every dimension of their life.

• Biological: The repeated stress and trauma of abuse can have a lasting impact on brain development and function. It disrupts your body’s alarm system, leading to dysregulated physiological responses and a state of chronic stress known as allostatic load. Key brain areas (like the amygdala, which detects threats, and the prefrontal cortex, which controls our responses) are damaged. A hypervigilant amygdala, for instance, can cause you to overreact to normal situations, making it harder for your brain to judge a real threat. Research has even correlated changes in gray matter volume in these areas with the emotional regulation issues seen in survivors. Furthermore, chronic stress can lead to dysregulated cortisol levels and other hormonal imbalances, contributing to physical issues like high blood pressure, weight gain, and difficulty sleeping. Abuse can also manifest as physical pain, headaches, and stomachaches.
• Psychological: The psychological toll is immense, and it’s not always visible. Abuse is a known cause of conditions like depression, anxiety, PTSD, disordered eating, and substance abuse. It can even lead to self-harm and suicidal ideation, with these conditions presenting years after an athlete has retired. Constant negative feedback, belittling, and humiliation from a coach can destroy an athlete’s passion for their sport, leading to a fear of failure and a lack of self-worth. When a coach uses psychological manipulation, they make athletes question the legitimacy of their own concerns and feel consistently dismissed. As survivors have shared, this type of abuse can “destroy” their love for the game and leave them feeling “broken mentally.”
• Social: Abuse erodes trust and makes it difficult for athletes to form healthy relationships, not only with coaches but with others outside the gym. Many toxic gym cultures intentionally encourage social isolation, making the gym a fighter’s entire world. This intensifies dependency and fosters a cult-like mentality. The consequences of this isolation can be severe, including a lower sense of life satisfaction and social wellbeing. The impact is so great that many talented athletes drop out of the sport entirely, giving up their passion and future career opportunities.

People often suffer in silence, carrying shame and self-doubt long after they’ve left the gym.
Many athletes, especially young and vulnerable ones, fear retaliation, losing their spot on the team, or social rejection if they speak up. This silence only emboldens abusers, making those who have suffered feel isolated and betrayed. Even when they do speak, they can be met with hostility from a community that prioritizes reputation over their well-being. Ultimately, many athletes never recognize or admit they are being mistreated, and many coaches and teammates never acknowledge that they had a hand in causing the abuse.

Creating a Culture of Safety and Accountability

So, how do we stop abuse from being normalized in Muay Thai? There is no one clear answer, but it does require cultural change, accountability, and courage. With these, hopefully all gyms are able to lift their standards to an acceptable level.

• Zero-tolerance policies: A safe sport environment must explicitly define and prohibit all forms of maltreatment, be it relational (occurring with coaches or teammates) or non-relational (involving organizational or systematic failures). This includes defining physical abuse (hitting, hazing, excessive punishment), sexual abuse (any improper contact or behavior), emotional abuse (belittling, gaslighting, constant humiliation), and neglect (withholding care for injuries or proper nutrition). These policies must be clearly communicated, consistently enforced, and include consequences for all violations. This also allows the gym to define clearly what constitutes “the line”, and students can then determine if this line is acceptable for them.
• Background checks and training: All coaches and staff must be thoroughly vetted through formal applicant screening, which includes interviews, reference checks, and criminal background checks that are periodically refreshed. Beyond vetting, coaches should receive mandatory awareness training on misconduct and, crucially, trauma-informed care. This education helps them recognize how trauma impacts the brain and behavior, enabling them to build a trauma-sensitive environment by being consistent, checking in on athletes’ well-being, and supporting them beyond their athletic performance.
• Open communication: Fighters need safe, confidential avenues to report misconduct without fear of retaliation. For reporting, gyms must provide multiple points of contact or anonymous reporting mechanisms so survivors do not have to confront their abusers directly.
• Bystander intervention: Equip teammates to step in when they witness abuse. Abuse thrives in silence. Every member of a sports community has a responsibility to intervene when they witness inappropriate behavior. This means speaking up against a sexist comment, checking in on a teammate, and documenting what they saw. Individuals should be educated on the red flags of abusive behavior and understand that ignoring even minor issues can lead to more serious harm. Most bystanders don’t do anything because they are not sure what to do. Bystander training empowers individuals with the tools to respond to and prevent harassment before it escalates, turning bystanders into active contributors to a safe environment.
• Empower fighters: Athletes should be encouraged to know their worth, develop a voice, and set firm personal boundaries. Athletes should be empowered to self-advocate, which includes confronting a coach who minimizes their concerns or, if necessary, choosing to leave and “fire” a coach. A healthy gym culture, where athletes feel valued and supported as people (not just as competitors) is the foundation for this empowerment.
• No more second chances for abusers: The most critical step is to stop protecting abusers. Individuals with a clear and repeated history should not hold positions of authority, regardless of their skills, popularity, or connections. Protecting talent over safety is a disturbingly common practice that directly undermines a safe environment. Gym leaders must set the tone by taking all reports seriously and enforcing consequences consistently. Protecting abusers not only betrays the community’s values but can also lead to severe legal and financial consequences for the organization itself.

Nobody is Perfect, But Growth is a Choice

It’s also important to acknowledge that none of us are perfect. Many of us have, at some point, been guilty of normalizing toxic training, staying silent when something didn’t feel right, or even denying that certain behaviors were abusive. Sometimes, we played into these dynamics because we didn’t know better, or because we were afraid of being labeled weak, soft, or disloyal.

This work isn’t passive – it’s something we have to actively strive for. A gym’s culture, or its potential to be healthy, only exists if the people running it are self-aware enough to recognize that change is needed. Even the most supportive gyms will make mistakes, because we are all human and imperfect. What matters is how those mistakes are addressed. The mindset of “shut up and work” or “you must do whatever it takes and never be seen as soft” runs so deep in combat sports that many don’t believe change is necessary… until the harm lands on their doorstep. Real growth means questioning these ingrained beliefs, not waiting for abuse to happen to realize that something was wrong all along.

But there’s a difference between people who are inherently abusive and refuse to change, and people who are not “bad” but have engaged in harmful behavior out of habit, ignorance, or culture. While these actions are still harmful and should never be excused, there’s value in offering grace and creating opportunities for growth.

What matters most is whether someone is willing to listen, learn, and adapt when confronted with the harm they’ve caused. If they’re open to reflecting and changing, that’s a sign of accountability and a step toward building a healthier gym culture. But if they gaslight, deny, and dismiss? The answer reveals the culture they’re choosing to create.

At no point should “hard” training become “harmful”. Fighting is hard, and struggle is part of the process. But productive struggle is different from destructive abuse. Healthy training pushes you forward; abuse breaks you down. The difference lies in intent, impact, and respect.

If you’re constantly being pushed past healthy limits, belittled, or made to feel unsafe, it’s not just “part of the sport.” Abuse is not tradition. Abuse is not toughness. Abuse is abuse.